Random Thoughts

As I said yesterday, I've gotten into audio books (due to the fact that I recently received an MP3 player). I've been listening to self-help books (probably the cause of my self doubts), older books I've already read, and books of deep thought. At this moment, I'm listening to Stephen Hawking. This man has an incredible mind. If you know anything about him, you know he has all but lost the control of his body. It's interesting to think that he's such a brilliant thinker because of this fact. Would he still be so brilliant if his body was more than a decrepit vessel for his brain? Would he not be as intelligent if he hadn't lost everything of his being except his mind? I often wonder if he is the person he is because he was left with nothing but his mind to work with. We only use ten percent of our brain; imagine what we would be capable of if we learned to tap into the true power of our mind. A myriad of comic books have been written about this topic. Go figure.

It's been said that "All the worlds a stage." Lately, I feel as though I'm waiting to buy a ticket to the theatre, without any money, and they're sold out. It's as though I'm losing the battle to maintain control of my life. Everything seems to be running away from me and I just can't catch up to it. Yet, I'm remaining calm about everything, not letting things upset me. It's just a weird feeling.

From my past, I've always believed I had something going on. I just couldn't place my finger on it. When I started Nursing school I spoke to some people about it. They said to talk to my doctor about my thoughts. He refused to give a "diagnosis" because I was working through it and he didn't want to "label" me with a problem as it might hinder me in the future (smart man). As such, I've often wondered what category I'd fall into. I've worked with all sorts of psych patients in my years of nursing, especially in the prison system. I sort of think I might have small - very small - essences of manic. I'm a little O.C. (obsessive compulsive). But again, I work through it. It's just that I can see it in the things I do. The problem is, I think I'm either in a manic stage or going into one. My insomnia is returning and I get into jags where I'll go and not eat (not that you could tell) because I'm working intently on something. That's why one of my distant future "projects" is to build a work shed. It would be nice to have a place to work on/with wood and metal and get a little primal once in a while. There's nothing more calming, to me, then working with your hands to create something. It would also help to have a place to store all of my non-essential items.

I'm off tomorrow and hope to give an hour or two to work on fixing up this blog a little. I'm having trouble finding what addition has caused the pop-up ads. I may have to scrap the whole project and rebuild. I should know more tomorrow.

Till then.
Best.